Rabbit Holes, Rewrites and Self-Doubt

Looking out of my writing studio this morning, the sky’s as blue as I’ve ever seen it. Not a cloud in the sky.

But there have been clouds inside the studio—or at least in my head.

This week’s progress toward completing my second draft of The Catalina has taken me down rabbit holes of research, fact checking and I’ve been questioning more of what needs to stay and what scenes (and even what chapters) might be ‘darlings’ I need to ‘kill’.

I’ve cut some scenes and two entire chapters, but I’ve also written several new scenes that were needed and added another chapter (totally different to the chapter I’ve removed).

And, well, that’s been frustrating because I’m second guessing myself and that’s what’s taken me down the rabbit holes.

This idea of killing my darlings (removing scenes or chapters that aren’t progressing the characters or the story) has continued to be a lot tougher than I thought. And when I decided to take the ‘killing’ part even further, I surprised myself by writing about one of the characters dying.

What surprised me most wasn't that the character dies. It was how much writing about their death affected me.

For my protagonist, Roy Langley, the loss of a mate isn't something he handles well.

How Roy reacts becomes a key moment in the story… but that’s something you’ll need to learn when you read The Catalina.

But that’s not been the toughest part of the week reviewing my first draft and working through my 2^nd draft structure.

My imposter syndrome has really kicked in this week. The second guessing I mentioned earlier has at times caused me to question my writing style, what the characters say to each other, their motivations and even the story itself.

If you’ve been following these Behind-The-Scenes journal updates, you’ll know my goal in writing them is for me to reflect on what I’m learning – not just reflect and write about what I’m doing.

Well, what I’m learning, is taking a first draft story, cutting, shaping and polishing it into a second draft that improves the reader’s experience is a lot bloody harder than I could ever have imagined.

But, although this week’s been tough, I’m not giving in.

I’m nearing the end of the early stages of what I need to do before writing my second draft, and hopefully, now that I’ve written this, smiling to myself as my inner voice reminds me to lighten up and enjoy the process, next week will be better than this one.

I’ll let you know in my next post.

If you’d like to follow my writing journey, you can find me on my Facebook Author Page.